Guacamole and Sweet Tea

Half a bottle of Firfly Sweet Tea and a speeding ticket from officer Hicks were the epic souvenirs from the trip to Francis Marion National Forest in South Carolina. The trip started with me nervously driving down the freeway while I watched my rear view mirror in horror. This wouldn't be the last time either. We had opted to take off the roof rack for better gas mileage and instead affix an ancient strap rack to the hatchback of my hatchback. I must say my level of paranoia when it comes to bicycle security on vehicles looks about like this.

The borrowed bike for Britt began to flail through the wind like a sad kite, and thus our first pit stop took place in the "Vast Wilderness of Rednecks and Retired Hippies" according to this map. Finally we let a man pump our gas for the last time and headed into the unknown, also known as the south. Then, after adjoining the hood of the car with an innocent dear (she was ok) in Pennsyltucky, we meandered our way south like a flock of seagulls pausing only to sip margaritas and eat fresh guacamole.

After a wonderful Mexican Banquet in Virginia, we pressed on through the night playing games of "Would you rather?", MFK, and enjoying the delight of peeing on private property right off of the highway. Finally, we could bear the road no longer, or perhaps it could no longer carry our load of vegetarian food, camping equipment, and bicycles. Either way, we knew we had to pull off soon before the lurking highway monsters disguised as police attacked.

In our cozy motel room, which did include free wifi and breakfast, Britt spent the entire six hours hacking into the government's mainframe to gain intel on whether or not Dick Cheney is actually a human being or an alien cyborg. The results were inconclusive, however she discovered Mitt Romney is just a hologram that appears when you rub two one-hundred dollar bills together. That morning, or rather later that day, we checked out and ate our free breakfast. Their waffle maker was piping hot and ready to go, yet something atrocious happened next. The waffle batter caked itself onto the griddle and began to crack and smolder. Our breakfast pretty much turned into an archaeological dig. I took this footage on my cellphone camera. Then, with tired arms and the worst cup of coffee humanity has ever brewed, we drove the rest of the way to the campsite!

We rode bikes on really awesome trails near the water and hung out on this dock where Britt pushed a man out of his kayak into the water, though she claims he fell in all by himself.

The camping was beautiful, the nights crisp as we hunkered down into our sleeping bags. We even got in a day at the beach where we watched a very large woman play with her pitbull and some pathetic parents antagonize their wonderful children. Kidding (or not) aside, the beach of Isle of Palms in South Carolina is truly a gem of the east coast. Sadly we packed up the toyota and began our journey north and got pulled over before we crossed the state line. I still haven't paid that ticket, but I intend to, maybe.

Abaco Bahamas, Remote, No Double A's Required

This will serve as the summary of a seven night Bahamian adventure,on which not a ton happened, but was very relaxing and rewarding nonetheless. I had the privilege of being invited by my friend Matt who is the gentleman gracing us with the middle finger in this photo.



The trip to Abaco started with a bang when my flight was delayed due to the plane's radio malfunctioning at Newark Airport. Biding my time, getting into a wonderful and interesting book (that is still residing on the boat in the picture) a man in his mid forties spewed forth a shower of snot very similar to the kids in this video.



To my dismay the snot was not water from a spritzer bottle which I would have welcomed in the dry, stuffy atmosphere of the grounded airplane, but actual snot, snot potentially housing bacteria and pathogens, a multitude of viruses. The look of horror I shot at this man did not make up for the snot-tastic eruption he shot at me. I thought maybe since I'm 23 I'd be alright. Technically I should have the immune system of an Olympian God, but coupled with the lack of sleep and vat of Sam Adams I guzzled at the airport, I destroyed any chance of my shields withstanding this type of beating. So I cut my losses and tried to enjoy my flight on the puddle jumper from Florida to Marsh Harbor. On this flight I became aware of how cool the Amazon Kindle actually is.



I sat on the airplane in the flickering sunlight squinting at my Murakami hardcover, which may tip the scales at four pounds, while an elderly gentleman in front of me held his kindle at an arms length and happily gazed over the giant print. The size of the print was cranked up to the 'fucking large' setting. (Don't google that with safe search off.) I was amazed at the adjustability and the clarity of the text in the varying light. Also what was most amazing was that this man, decked out Sperrys, a nice golf shirt, probably around 75 years young was reading about vibrators. I wanted to give him a high five, but thought it might be rude, considering I had been learning about vibrators for the first half of the flight over his shoulder and without his knowledge.

So we landed in beautiful 75 degree weather, hopped in a rental car with a left-hand drive steering wheel, which we were told to drive on the left side of the road, and stopped at a grocery store to fuel up the home we would be staying in. The house is gorgeous, high ceilings, right on the beach, small pool on the side. Very private, very rad. Five minutes on a golf cart got us to the beach club where we paid $20 for mango daqueris, took out kayaks and paddle boards,



played some epic ping pong with the locals,



and sailed this aqua craft.



This was the daily routine for most of the time until our epic boat trip with this hessian named Steve.



He's a total rad guy who gave us an awesome tour of Abaco, showed us amazing snorkling spots, and how to spearfish. With his guidance I was able to spear a lobster, which I ate later that evening. So epic.



This brings us to today, which is gorgeous although I am not taking advantage of the sun because I got scorched yesterday catching dinner. A big thank you to Marsha and Bruce for putting me up on this radical adventure. I am looking forward to getting home to see a doctor and other wonderful people who could not join me on this adventure. I will leave you with a video of Matt's band Artemesis. Thank you for reading.